Nap Time Negotiator

Me: Okay, Thalia. It's time for a nap.
Thalia: Maybe it's not.

Peppa Pig Chocolate Eggs

Laura's Post:

Twas the month of Christmas, and all through the house... it was suspiciously quiet...

"Thalia, where are you?"
Thalia emerged from her room, mouth covered in chocolate.
"I was eating a treat!"
"What! There are no treats."

Sophia's handmade wrapping paper was strewn across the bedroom floor. The Peppa Pig chocolate egg box was completely gone. After the "I WANT SOME MORE!!" tantrum had subsided, I said, "If you find a treat, ask me before you eat it." Yep, it sounded ridiculous to me once I said it, too. 

We'll just agree that, if we find a chocolate egg, we will devour it happily and apologize later.

Car Bubble

Laura's Post:

Thalia: Your other car broke?
Me: Yes.
Thalia: It popped?

Thankfully, no.

The Naughty One

Laura's Post:

Feeding Freya, she repeatedly knocks the spoon out of my hand and laughs. 

Me: Wow! You're a naughty one!
Thalia: No. I'M the naughty one!

Oh, boy.

I Do Déclair

I celebrate the end of our shopping trip at Meijer by opening a small box of mini éclairs to share with my girls, Daddy's little helpers. 

A toddler near us whines to her mother about wanting a donut.

"No, honey, we're not getting donuts."

"But why is she eating a donut?"

"Because she's shopping with her daddy."

The mother definitely meant for me to hear her say that.
I look at the mom and mouth apologetically, "Don't tell Mommy!"

She gives me a weary "Thanks for that" look and strolls away with her whimpering daughter with the sad eyes...

I can't say I feel bad about that. Too busy eating yummy éclairs with my happy-eyed children... ; )

Animal Teeth!

Laura's Post:

Me: Aunty Kitt is coming for Christmas.
Thalia: What we get her?
Me: I don't know.
Thalia: Animal teeth!
Me: Animal teeth?
Thalia: Lion and piggy teeth!
(She leaves the room and comes back with a visual aid)
Me: Oh! An electric toothbrush!
Thalia: (triumphant ) Animal teeth!

Climbing Wall

Thalia: (frustrated and pointing to the china cabinet) I can't climb up the climbing wall!

It's going to be a long winter.

Stretching All Night

First thing in the morning, I am less than coherent, so it takes me a while to process that my two-year-old is trying to chat with me. She's not fazed by that. She'll happily repeat herself until she's acknowledged...

Thalia: Daddy, I was stretching all night. I was stretching all night. I was stretching all night. I was stretching all night. I was stretching all night.
Sophia: You were stretching?
Thalia: No, all night.
Me: Why were you stretching all night?
Thalia: Because.

Newsworthy!

At breakfast:
Thalia: ...Sophia. Sophia. Sophia. Sophia...
Sophia: (ignores Thalia)
Thalia: ...Sophia. Sophia. Sophia. Sophia...

Laura: Sophia! Please answer your sister.

Sophia: What.

Thalia: My eyes are closed!

Laura: That was worth it, hahaha!

Sophia: (sigh)

The Bottom Drawer

Sophia: I can't find the pajamas!
Laura: They're in the bottom drawer!
Thalia: You said "bottom." Hahahaha!

And now Laura's got a giggle fit.

Car Shopping

Laura's Post:

Me: Thalia, we're going to shop for a new car today.
Thalia: A racing car?!
Me: No.
Thalia: (disappointed) Oh. OK...

She had other suggestions (which I don't think can fit three car seats)...

The Dawn Treader's Poop Deck

While driving around town running errands, we were listening to an audiobook of C.S. Lewis's The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Chapter Eight, "Two Narrow Escapes":

...And now the real danger was at hand. Could they get it over the poop, or was it already too tight? Yes. It would just fit. It was resting on the poop rails. A dozen or more sprang up on the poop. This was far better. The Sea Serpent’s body was so low now that they could make a line across the poop and push side by side....

Thalia: Haha! Poop. He pushed poop. Haha...

I know. Obvious potty humor. But I was eagerly anticipating my two-year-old to point that out, and she did not disappoint, haha...

Hummus

Thalia: I'm very sick! I need to go to the doctor!
Laura: You're sick? What do you have?
Thalia: I have hummus...

I hear that's been spreading.

Thalia's Theme Song

I overheard Thalia playing in the living room by herself joyfully singing her new theme song:

I can't obey Daddy!
I can't obey Daddy!
I Caaaaan't!
Obeeeeeey!
I can't do it!
Daddy!..."

at least it's catchy...

Where's Your Helmet?

Laura: Thalia, where's your helmet? Do you know where your helmet is?
Thalia: Yeah.
Laura: (after a pause) Are you just saying yeah to me?
Thalia: Yeah...

Not OK

Whenever Thalia hurts herself, she loudly cries out
"DADDY! I'M OK! I'M OK! I'M OK!"
Nevermind that she's actually not OK and needs a Band-Aid, asap!...
Now I come running whenever she says OK...

My Helpful Rebel

Me: Here, Thalia, throw this away for Daddy, please.
Thalia: (with attitude) OK. I won't!

She then takes it from me and walks straight to the kitchen and throws it away...
Who's complaining? I'll take uncivil obedience any day over the other kind...

Breakfast Appetizer

Before breakfast this morning:

Thalia: I want to watch a movie!
Me: We will watch something later, honey.
Thalia: No!
Me: Do you want to eat toast?
Thalia: No!

Me: Do you want cereal?

Thalia: No!

Me: Do you want an apple?

Thalia: No!

Me: Do you want a banana?

Thalia: No!

Me: Do you want a hug?

Thalia: Yes! I want a hug!

She has an appetite for affection...

Eating Baby

Sophia: Where's Freya?

Me: She's eating.

Sophia: Where is she eating?

Me: With Mommy.

Sophia: Where's Mommy?

Me: In bed.

Thalia: Eating Freya.

Uh, no, Thalia, we don't eat our young, haha...

The Winner!

Whenever we leave our house, Sophia calls out, "First one to the door wins! I win! Haha!" 
Sophia always wins because she's the only one playing. Well, Thalia tries to race her to the door, but she doesn't stand a chance. 

Nevertheless, I love how Thalia shouts "I win!" and sincerely celebrates her victory no matter where she is behind Sophia. It drives Sophia nuts.

Thalia now celebrates winning everywhere she goes: Walking into the kitchen when I'm getting her a cup of milk, or to the bathroom to brush her teeth, or getting her into bed for a nap...."I win!" 

I didn't know we were racing, but okay, kid, you win, and if you win, I win...Yay! I love this game!

Mega Negativity

Thalia has increased her vocabulary significantly. Unfortunately, too much of what she says is in defiance of everyone around her:

No, don't do dat!
I don't like dat!
Stop dat!
NO!

I'm afraid that she is merely parroting our own negativity since she gets herself into a lot of mischief. Nonetheless, I invented a car game to see who can get her to say something, anything, positive first.

Me: I love you, Thalia!
Thalia: No! Don't do dat!
Laura: Hello, Thalia!
Thalia: No! I don't like dat!
Sophia: Do you want a hug, Thalia?
Thalia: Stop dat! NO!
Me: I love you, Thalia!
Thalia: I wuv you.

Daddy wins! Haha! Well, we'll all win if we can get a positivity streak going...

Block Love

Last night I put the girls to work picking up toys and books off of the living room floor:

Me: How does the house get cluttered so fast around here! We just cleaned up, yesterday!
Sophia: I don't know.
Thalia: I don't know...

This morning I caught Thalia removing blocks from a toy box and giving each individual block a ceremonial "I wuv you" followed by a tender kiss and then a wild toss onto our once uncluttered living room floor...

Cheddar Bunnies

I gave Thalia a handful of Cheddar Bunnies to snack on. A minute later Sophia asked me why I gave Thalia so many crackers:

Me: But I didn't give her many.
Sophia: Yes, you did. Look.

Thalia had poured the whole box of Cheddar Bunnies onto her tray, and was quietly enjoying them, one delicious bunny at a time....

Buttons!

Thalia wandered into the house wearing only her diaper after playing with water on the porch. 
She seemed quite pleased with herself. 
She pointed to the middle of her wet tummy and said "belly button!" 
"Yes, honey, belly button!" 
Then she pointed to the left side of her chest and said "button!"....

Grandma's Mini Sandwich Cremes

Thalia: Mama, I want a cracker.
Me: I'm Dada, and this is a cookie.

She throws me a look as if to say, "I don't care who you are or what you call it, just hand it over and nobody gets hurt...."

Shower Caps and Cool Night Lights

Shower caps and cool night lights make parenting Thalia at bath and bedtime so much easier!

The Shoe Battle

Getting ready to visit Mama and Thalia's new baby sister Freya at the hospital:

Me: It's time to go see Mama and the baby! Go get your shoes!
Thalia: No.
Me: There are your shoes, over there! Get your shoes!
Thalia: No.
Me: Do you want to see Mama?
Thalia: No.
Me: Do you want to see the baby?
Thalia: Yes!
Me: Go get your shoes then!
Thalia: No.
Me: Do you want to go outside?
Thalia: Outside!
Me: Get your shoes then!
Thalia: No...

I'd get the shoes myself, but I've collapsed in my daddy chair after a late night of holding Freya while Laura got some well needed rest.

The Great British Baking Show

Me: What does it mean "to prove" the dough?
Laura: That's when you get the dough to rise.
Thalia: Poo.
Laura: Not "poo." It's "prove."
Thalia: Poo.
Me: (chuckling harder than necessary for a man my age at my toddler's unintended potty humor...)

Family Names

Thalia calls Laura "Mama." She calls Sophia "Ee-ah." And she calls me "Mamadada." I correct her every time. "Do I look like your mama, child!" She laughs then says "Dada" ad nauseam for no reason in particular...
 

The Unbearable Impermanency of Chocolate

Thalia and I shared a couple of Valentine's Day chocolates. 
Just a few bites, then it was all gone. Mmmm...

Thalia: I want more!
Me: I'm sorry, honey. It's all gone.
Thalia: More!
Me: I know. I'm so sorry.

Then I took her up into my arms and held her close as we wept together...

The CPAP Shrine

Thalia is strangely obsessed with my CPAP. Each day, no matter how much we insist that she is not to play with Daddy's machine, she can't resist sneaking into our bedroom to investigate the strange contraption that I keep stored in a cabinet next to my side of the bed. 

She needs to pull it out and push the buttons that make it light up and hiss like a threatening serpent. 

She needs to build a shrine of toys and dolls on the floor surrounding it like a virgin sacrifice to an awesome and mysterious deity. 

But it's very frustrating for me to come into my bedroom and realize that my CPAP has been blowing air all day, and I often hurt myself on a toy that she's left there...

I think I have a better understanding of how primitive tribes may have developed strange rituals to appease the angry gods...

Night, Night, Elmo!

Thalia: Elmo! Elmo! Elmo! Elmo!

Laura: No, Thalia, we're not going to watch Elmo at four in the morning.

Thalia: Aaaaaughhhh! ELMOOOOOOO!!!...

For forty minutes Thalia screamed for Elmo, until, finally, Laura's patient rocking lulled her back to sleep....We are not fans of Elmo right now.

P.S. A week later, it's my turn to rock Thalia back to sleep at four in the morning. She was perfectly quiet yet perfectly awake, and I was afraid she wouldn't get back to sleep. Then she whispered "Elmo" to me. Oh, no! Not this again! 

She said "Elmo" a few more times before I realized that she wasn't saying his name at all. She was asking for milk: "a mil" – which is short for "I want milk" which sounds like "Elmo" somehow at four in the morning.

I jolted out of my stupor and got the babe some milk right away. Funny enough, the milk did the trick and she was asleep shortly after. 

I would apologize to Elmo for what happened the other morning, but since it wasn't my watch, I can't say whether or not Thalia was thirsting for more milk or for some more furry red Sesame Street fun...

The Multitasker

Laura's Post: 

In the two minutes it took me to serve up the pasta and pour milk, Thalia made a phone call, disconnected the iPad from the WiFi, and painted her face with Wite-Out. The child can multitask!

Daddy's Little Helper

Me: Can you put my sweater in the dirty clothes pile in the bathroom?
Thalia takes my sweater from my hand, walks past the bathroom, walks into the kitchen, and drops the sweater onto the kitchen floor. She returns to me with an accomplished smile.
Me: Thank you.
Thalia: Aaah. (Translation: No problem.)

Snow Angels