The Cost of Parenting

As I was paying bills at my computer, I caught sight of Thalia sticking an elastic hair tie into her mouth.

"Thalia! Give that to Daddy. Here, honey, give that to Daddy!"

At first, she looked disgruntled about being caught, but she toddled over with a smile a few seconds later and handed it over.

"Thank you, Thalia, for giving it to Daddy! Good job!"

I turned in my chair and tossed the tie into the wastebasket. When I turned back around, she was tottering off with my wallet in her hand. She had swiped it right off my lap, that stinker!

Baby Weight

Thalia and I went shopping. Diapers were on my grocery list, but I forgot that they're purchased by the baby's weight, not by age. So straight to the veggies section to stick my baby on the produce scale, when no one's looking, of course. I suppose that'll give the security camera guy something to chuckle about.

Bubble Bath

Laura's Note to Self:

When baby passes gas in the bath, remove her PROMPTLY, even if the bubbles are cute and funny: what follows is neither.

Reason 1001

Reason 1001 why my child is crying: 
I told her she may not splash her hands in the toilet.

A Brush with Terror

Laura: Watch out! Thalia is coming for you!

I look up from my La-Z-Boy just in time to see Thalia toddling towards me with a toilet brush in her hand! 

Thalia: Dada! Haha! Dada!...

What sudden tyranny is this?

Me: Stop her, please! Stop her!

 I cringe back into my chair with both arms out in a defensive position to protect me from her attack...Oh, the terror! the torture! When will it end? Make it stop!

Laura swoops in at the last possible moment to rescue me from my own child.

Not cool, Thalia. Not cool.

Baby Hazards

My wife recounted to me all of the hazards that she saved Thalia from today:
Laura: My goal is to keep her alive until she's two!
Sophia: (graciously) No, don't kill the baby.

Our toddling baby is fine. It's us parents I'm worried about...

The Fortress of Solitude, a.k.a. Daddy Bear Cage

Thalia wouldn't go into her playpen tonight without a big fuss.

This way I get my work done, and she's happy playing around the perimeter.

It's genius!